Remembering the Babies We Carry in Our Hearts

October 15 | Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

There are some losses that are difficult to put into words.

Pregnancy and infant loss is one of them.

October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, a day dedicated to remembering babies who have died during pregnancy, at birth, or during infancy and honoring the parents, siblings, grandparents, and families who continue to carry their love and their grief.

Today, we pause to remember.

We remember babies who were deeply loved.

We remember babies whose names may not always be spoken.

We remember the hopes and dreams their families had for them.

We remember the birthdays that never came.

The first steps that were never taken.

The first day of school that was never experienced.

The milestones their families imagined.

And we remember that even when a baby's life is brief, their impact can last a lifetime.

A Baby's Life Can Be Brief and Still Be Meaningful

One of the things that can make pregnancy and infant loss particularly difficult is that the world may not always know how significant the loss is to the family.

A parent may have only held their baby for a short time.

A parent may have never been able to bring their baby home.

A pregnancy may have ended before others even knew about it.

But the length of a baby's life does not determine the depth of a parent's love.

Parents can begin loving their baby long before birth.

They may imagine their child's future.

Choose a name.

Picture a nursery.

Think about who their child might become.

Create hopes and dreams.

When that future changes, the loss can be profound.

A short life is not the same thing as an insignificant life.

The Grief of Pregnancy and Infant Loss

Grief after pregnancy or infant loss can be complicated.

Parents may experience sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, loneliness, anxiety, or a deep sense of emptiness.

They may find themselves grieving not only the baby they lost, but also the future they imagined.

There can also be moments when grief catches them unexpectedly.

A pregnancy announcement.

A baby shower.

A child's birthday.

A holiday.

Seeing someone with a stroller.

Walking through the baby section of a store.

Watching another child reach a milestone their own child never had the opportunity to reach.

These moments can bring grief rushing back.

And sometimes grief can exist alongside joy.

A parent can be genuinely happy for someone else while simultaneously feeling the ache of their own loss.

Two emotions can exist at the same time.

Remembering Matters

For many bereaved parents, having their baby remembered can be deeply meaningful.

Say their name.

Remember their birthday.

Acknowledge their place in the family.

Ask about their baby.

Look at photographs if the parent wants to share them.

Listen to their story.

You don't have to worry that mentioning the baby will "remind" a parent of their loss.

They haven't forgotten.

They are already carrying the loss.

Sometimes hearing someone else say their baby's name communicates:

"Your baby mattered to me, too."

What Can We Say to a Bereaved Parent?

Sometimes we avoid conversations about pregnancy and infant loss because we are afraid of saying the wrong thing.

But silence can feel isolating.

You don't need perfect words.

You can simply say:

"I'm thinking about you and your baby."

"I remember your baby."

"I know today may be difficult."

"I'm here if you want to talk."

"Your baby will always be part of your family."

Sometimes the most meaningful words are simply:

"I remember."

What Can We Do?

Supporting someone after pregnancy or infant loss doesn't end after the funeral or memorial service—or after the immediate days surrounding the loss.

Grief continues.

Reach out.

Send a message.

Remember important dates.

Ask how they are doing.

Don't assume that because time has passed, the grief has disappeared.

And don't pressure someone to "move on."

Instead, allow them to move forward while carrying the love and memories of their baby with them.

The Importance of Remembering

Remembrance can look different for every family.

Some may light a candle.

Some may create a memory box.

Some may plant a tree.

Some may wear a piece of jewelry.

Some may display photographs.

Some may participate in a remembrance event.

Some may quietly say their baby's name at home.

There is no right way to remember.

There is only what feels meaningful to the family.

The Wave of Light

One way families and communities can participate in Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is through the International Wave of Light.

At 7:00 p.m. local time on October 15, people around the world light candles in remembrance of babies who have died. As each time zone reaches 7:00 p.m., the light continues around the world.

One candle.

One moment of remembrance.

One collective message:

You are remembered.

To the Parents Who Are Grieving

If you have experienced pregnancy or infant loss, there may be days when your grief feels close and days when it feels farther away.

There may be days when you want to talk about your baby and days when you don't.

There may be moments of laughter and moments of tears.

There may be times when you feel strong and times when the loss feels incredibly heavy.

There is no perfect way to grieve.

And there is no timeline that tells you when you should stop missing your baby.

Your baby mattered.

Your love mattered.

Your hopes mattered.

And your grief matters because your baby mattered.

To the Babies We Remember

Today, we honor the babies whose lives were brief but whose presence changed the lives of the people who loved them.

We honor the parents who continue to carry them.

We honor the families who remember them.

We honor the stories that may not always be visible to the outside world.

And we honor the love that remains.

Because sometimes a person's place in our family is not measured by the number of years they were physically with us.

Sometimes it is measured by the love they left behind.

October 15

Today, we remember.

Today, we say their names.

Today, we make space for grief.

Today, we honor the babies who will always be part of their families' stories.

Your baby mattered.Your love matters.Your grief matters.Your story matters.

🩷 We remember. 🕯️